How to Keep Your Queer Glitter Shining: The Ultimate Survival Guide to Family Holidays

For many LGBTQ+ people, the holiday season is a bittersweet cocktail: one part celebration, one part emotional minefield. While straight friends might fret over dry turkey or awkward political debates, queer folks often navigate trickier terrain: tense introductions (“This is my roommate...”), pronoun roulette, and the perennial question of whether to bring home a partner—or leave part of ourselves at the door.

According to the Main Line Health Comprehensive Gender Care Program, “The holidays can be intimidating, especially for LGBTQ people who may not feel safe in the places or with people they are visiting during this time” . Yet, even in these spaces, queer resilience shines brighter than any string of Christmas lights.

Think of this guide as your glitter-infused Swiss Army knife: practical, affirming, and always ready for a little holiday slay.

1. Set Your Boundaries Like You Set Your Table

Boundaries are your best accessory this season. “Talk about your limitations with the people you will be visiting. Addressing potential stressors... can help prevent stress,” advises Main Line Health . If Aunt Linda starts in on “the pronoun thing,” let her know—gently but firmly—what’s off-limits. Remember: It’s okay to excuse yourself, even if the mashed potatoes are mid-pass.

2. Chosen Family: The Real Holiday MVPs

If your biological family isn’t affirming, don’t hesitate to lean into your chosen family: the friends and partners who see, celebrate, and uplift your true self . Whether you’re gathering in person, over Zoom, or just sending memes to each other all day, these connections can be lifesaving. “Surround yourself with those who respect and affirm your identity and give you strength,” recommends Diversity Collective VC .

3. Escape Plans: Not Just for Heist Movies

Have a safety net ready—a friend you can text, a walk around the block, or a playlist of affirming music. “Set up phone dates or video chats... and determine whether you would need an immediate response to balance out your obligatory socializing with more rewarding and enjoyable interactions,” suggests Therapy Changes . Your mental health is worth the effort.

4. Affirm Yourself: Glitter Optional, Pride Required

Holiday traditions can be confronting, but find your joy where you can. “Wear the clothing that you feel comfortable in. Settle in with affirming queer media—a book, movie, or your favorite music and podcasts. Create an affirmation and say it out loud whenever you need it. This could include ‘I am valid.’ ‘I deserve to be supported and loved.’ ‘I am proud of who I am,’” says Diversity Collective VC . Sometimes, self-affirmation is the best shield.

Queer people have a long history of turning adversity into art, pain into power, and awkward family dinners into viral TikToks. The “chosen family” tradition—gatherings of friends who become siblings, parents, and confidants—has become a central queer holiday ritual, one echoed in everything from Pose’s ballroom feasts to the annual Friendsgiving blowouts .

In a year where anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric and policies have made headlines, these supportive spaces aren’t just nice—they’re necessary . Community events, online meetups, and even affirming DMs help fill the gaps left by families who haven’t quite caught up. As one therapist put it: “It can be easy to lose ourselves. Stay connected to who you are” .

Let’s address the classics: pronoun slips, partner erasure (“your friend?”), and the dreaded sleeping arrangement debate. Expert advice from PFLAG (shared via Therapy Changes) is clear: “If you are transgender, be gentle with your family’s pronoun ‘slips.’ Let them know you know how difficult it is.” But also, don’t be afraid to correct—with patience, but without apology .

If you’re bringing a partner, strategize together: What are you both comfortable with? What boundaries—or escape hatches—do you need? “Discuss in advance how you will talk about your relationship or how you will share affection with one another. If you bring your partner home, don’t wait until late into the holiday evening to raise the issue of sleeping arrangements. Make plans in advance,” recommends Therapy Changes .

And if things get tense, remember: you are not required to absorb ignorance or hide your truth for anyone’s comfort.

One of the most radical acts for LGBTQ+ people during the holidays is knowing when to say “no.” Whether that means skipping a gathering, stepping out for air, or creating a new tradition with your queer community, the power to define your holiday experience is yours.

“Holiday traditions can sometimes be confronting and emotionally exhausting or painful. Set boundaries and stick to them. It is also okay to say no thanks and opt out of an event,” affirms the Diversity Collective VC . Your wellbeing is not up for negotiation.

Holiday Self-Care: Your Ultimate Glow-Up Checklist

- Prioritize self-care, whether it’s a walk, a bath, or a solo dance party .

- Keep affirming messages handy—on your phone, in your notes, or as a voice memo.

- If you need help, reach out to local LGBTQ+ resources or hotlines.

- Celebrate your victories, big and small: Every pronoun correctly used, every boundary respected, every moment you feel seen.

As the Therapy Changes guide puts it, “Don’t wait for your family’s attitude to change to enjoy the special holiday season… Recognize that your parents need time to acknowledge and accept that they have an LGBTQ child. It took you time to come to terms with who you are; now it is your family’s turn” .

The holiday table may be set with a side of microaggressions, but your authenticity is the main course. Whether you’re sipping eggnog with chosen family, FaceTiming queer friends between awkward toasts, or walking out the door with your head held high, you are valid, loved, and never alone.

So, queer fam: polish your boundaries, cue your escape playlist, and keep your glitter—literal or metaphorical—where everyone can see it. The holidays are yours, too.