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Big! Gay! Men! :: Convergence.NYC

Monday Jan 22, 2018

There is a facet of Gay Love that is making strides, slowly but steadily: The plus-size love of a gay, fat, or chubby man for another man who is either of similar size or more average size, sometimes referred to as chubs and chasers.

Large size men are constantly met with various forms of bias or discriminatory behavior, and unfortunately it is not just from the heterosexual community but from the same sex community as well.

The bright message is that as members of the various LGBTQ letters represented in our society make progress with acceptance, chubs and chasers are faring a bit better as well. This provides an opportunity to enjoy and love their own bodies much more, and thereby become self-confident and even more attractive to others.

There are many more events available where big gay men can be in the company of other like-minded gay big men and men who are attracted to them. These events provide an opportunity to exchange stories, share experiences, bond and support one another. There are workshops where you can create awareness of the varying beauty and pleasures of different body types including one's own body.

Some chasers say owning up to an attraction to fat men is like coming out of the closet a second time. In many cases chasers choose not to share their proclivities with friends, as they face the laughter and ridicule of their choices within a gay community where svelte figures and boyish good looks are prized, labeling them as pitiful in that they must have low self-esteem and assuming that they feel that they can't do better.

Inevitably there are those who are led to viewing sex with a man of supersize girth as a fetish to be enjoyed on sporadic, opportune moments. As in any other extension of sex there can be forms of pleasure that are specific and/or extreme and, therefore, are labeled a fetish -- such as role play, bondage, S&M, voyeurism, and many other levels of intimacy.

There are also times where plus-size men, or "chubs," seem puzzled by men who cruise them and express a desire to get to know them, even as they welcome and appreciate the attention and compliments. In a culture where slender physiques with defined abs define a person's worth on the dating scene it is difficult to understand that there is love enough for everyone and every body type. This is also changing, as the chub and chaser community continues to grow and nurture the self-esteem of chubs and chasers alike.

Ironically, it is difficult also for a slim gay male to accept rejection from a chaser, as they themselves have a hard time understanding how the man they see as the perfect specimen and model of Adonis would prefer to have relations with a man twice his weight or size. Sometimes, that very rejection causes them to spew derogatory comments about the plus-size men who are found to be more attractive to others. It is a concept that they find difficult to comprehend or accept. Chasers are simply gay men who just happen to like fat men.

Today, though, the bear community largely has eclipsed the chub community in members and visibility. Fat is not so fashionable in its own right, so men of plus size feel a greater acceptance based on facial and body hair, which minimizes the focus on size. Therefore, there is also a minimal or reduced bias or discrimination that is rooted in the stigma of being unhealthy or abnormal, and therefore unattractive. Through the relationships that develop in the bear community and the chub chaser community a more accepting and enjoyable environment is created for each of us, which inevitably empowers us to love ourselves more and love the life we're living.

Big Gay Men of New York City provides one of various opportunities for gay men who have an attraction to other men who are considered overweight or even obese to meet and seek a satisfying sexual experience or a long term meaningful relationship.

In 2017, with the leadership and support of, over 1,100 gay chubs and chasers gathered in Las Vegas to enjoy the company of men who share these same feelings and traits. In 2018, these men will be gathering in New York City after being away from the city for over 20 years. This gathering, known as Convergence.NYC, will provide tours, workshops, social events through the collaboration of the Big Gay Men of New York, and


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